I see the topic of isolation come up occasionally in Virtual Assistant/Administrative Consultant conversations and it’s something that has me curious.
It’s definitely a legitimate issue since many people bring the topic up every so often. I’m not judging or discounting it, but I have to admit I’ve never understood it.
When I was in the workforce, I loved to gab with others as much as the next person, but when I was intent on working, I really didn’t like being bothered and much preferred to be alone.
I remember one position I had before I advanced up to administrative assistant where we sat in quads with four people inside a cubicle. And there was one girl who chattered away incessantly every single day, all day long, from the the time we arrived until it was time to go home. It about drove me insane!
Come to think of it, I’m sort of like that in my personal life. Our home is my cocoon. I can’t stand people dropping by unannounced and don’t like lots of company. Just me and my honey-bunny. But get me out on the town or have me throw a party, and I’m a totally gregarious social butterfly.
So one of the things I love about working for myself and working in my own home office is that I don’t have to deal with the Chatty Kathies anymore. I can totally go into my own little world and work without distraction for hours on end to my heart’s content.
Of course, my daughter is grown and on her own now so I don’t have to deal with young ones about, but I can totally empathize with how challenging that must be for those with kids still at home to also try to run a business at the same time.
Yet I never suffer from feelings of isolation. Generally speaking, I work until I don’t feel like working and then I stop. I just let my body and my mind and my mood be my guide. I have a full life outside of business so there’s always something else to do if that’s what I feel like. And if I need to take a little break during the day now and then (which I do frequently) and want to connect with colleagues, that’s what Virtual Assistant forums and other online business groups are great for. And on those occasions when I’d like a bit of human contact and live socializing, I just scoop up my laptop and head to one of my favorite local coffee shops.
Of course, I do realize that I consciously and intentionally engineered my life this way. And for that I am deeply grateful every single day.
I’m assuming other Virtual Assistants/Administrative Consultants have family, friends and other interests outside of their businesses. So for those who still suffer from feeling isolated, I’m curious about why or when those feelings comes up for you? Is it the need for the physical presence of other people? Does networking and conversing in our industry forums alleviate isolation for you at all? If you have kids at home while you work, does that help alleviate feelings of isolation or do you really just need more adult interaction? Or are you just working so much and have so much to do, you just don’t have time to partake in anything that would alleviate those feelings? Is that lack of self-care in that particular area affecting your work/life and if so, in what ways?
Please do share in this discussion as I think it will be really helpful to those who are suffering with this issue in our industry. 
11 Comments
Danielle: I completely agree with you. I have never missed those chatty Kathys, gossip mongers or the office politics. I find the freedom from it all very liberating. However, a couple of weeks ago my husband was home for several days due to ice road conditions and his office requested that he work from home. I can without a doubt tell you that my energy level was greatly improved just be having someone else working vigorously along side me. So if there is anything at all to be missed form an office environment is the energy level it can provide. But as we all know, that only depended on your co-workers. They could just as easily drag you down.
Well, that is the truth–it depends on the company. Now my guy, he drives me crazy when he’s home and I’m trying to work. He’s always, “Whaaatcha doooo-ing?” and trying to look over my shoulder and asking dumb questions. I’d never get anything done if he didn’t have a day job, LOL.
As someone who has very recently returned to an employed life after 7 years of working at home, I don’t know that I can really identify a reason for why during the last year of working in my business I felt increasingly socially isolated. In addition to the social isolation, it was also the home/work blur – being at home was always also being at work.
To get out, I’d pick up the kids from school, go to the gym or for a walk first thing, meet a friend for coffee occasoinally (but they were often working anyway). It probably does have something to do with the structure I had – I didn’t have a plan to make sure I was getting out, but went out when I felt the need. Perhaps I’d have felt the need less if I had set regular and frequent times for it.
I was working pretty much full-time hours, but not evenings or weekends. I felt I wasn’t being “present” enough for the kids after school, who are aged 11, 13 and 15, and there were so many things I wasn’t getting around to at home. I can see that with a different structure and perhaps a more disciplined approach, I might have been able to conquer that, but I just couldn’t seem to manage it. Ironically, I felt trapped – which is quite a change from the freedom I had felt before in my business.
Like you, Danielle, I loved the fact that I could work uninterrupted when I wanted to, and that never changed. It was just overtaken by the joint needs to be around people more consistently and to have a more defined boundary between home and work.
So that’s how it was for me. I’ll be interested to how it is for others.
Oh, thank you so much for sharing that, Lisa! It really sheds some light. The phrase that really stood out to me was where you said, “being at home was always also being at work.”
Light bulb! I mean, I don’t have that same experience, but the way you put that, I can totally get why many people would.
For those who are struggling with this issue, Lisa makes some excellent points. It would seem to underscore the importance of having a dedicated space for you business, perhaps ideally an entire room that you can close the door when you need to, either to “close” down the business or to maintain boundaries when you are working and there is family at home.
Another thing I think that helps me from being in the business too much is that I don’t do (and never have) any of the assistant type work that many others are doing normally (such as managing calendars or email IN boxes for clients). This falls back on the point that I frequently make about choosing to be either an “assistant” or an administrative expert. Because they aren’t one and the same, and doing assistant work will necessarily keep you in daily hamster mode whereas doing expert work doesn’t require you to work in that kind of mode so there’s more freedom and flexibility about how/when/where you do it. I really feel that has been one of the hugest contributors to my success and longevity in this business.
I wish you well in your foray back to the work world, Lisa, and I love that you still keep in touch. Please do as you are still part of our circle of friends. And who knows, maybe someday you’ll give her a go again (I would so love that)!
Danielle: If he wasn’t “working” while at home, one of us wouldn’t have survived. He does the same thing your husband does when he is just laying around the house. Drives me crazy!!!
LOL LOL Oh, I so get that, LOL.
I really don’t miss the chatty Kathy’s at the office. Come to think of it I don’t miss the drama queens either. I love to get some solid time put in on what I’m working without interruption, I’m so much more effective and efficient. I generally don’t miss going “out” for a couple of days, but when I do I take care of some errands or business and enjoy the people I encounter while I’m out.
But my SO (significant other) is home all day also and has taken on the role of the chatty kathy and drama queens that have been missing from my life. Now I have to set some boundaries as to when he can interrupt and when he must leave me alone. It’s work in process and talk about what is needed for the day.
Linda
Oh I so identify with that, Linda, LOL. I swear, luv’im to death, but men can be like 5 year olds needing constant attention sometimes, LOL.
I love doing that sort of thing, too… running errands and then taking my time to smell the roses, so to speak. Like when I go to our local gourmet market, they have a wonderful cafe and I like to get a decaf mocha or cocoa and maybe a biscuit or snickerdoodle and then sit outside (they have a little outdoor covered cafe area in front that I just love) and feed the little sparrows. They will often come right up on your table or sit in your hand. In the summer, they will take dust baths over in the garden edging areas around the parking lot and it’s so stinkin’ cute!
I so don’t miss the Chatty Kathys, Mean Girls, Drama Queens, or Gossip Girls. I am content working at home.
Recently we took in a foreign exchange student and I had to move my office in order to turn it into a bedroom for my new “son.” I found that by doing that, I gave up the ability to draw the line between work and play because my “office” was anywhere I could plug in; the kitchen, at the bar, on the couch, even in my bed when it was snowing outside. I had to make a point of setting up another office in my formal dining room that I could leave when I was finished with work. That works much better!
I love being home with my kids, 16, 18, and 21. Beings that they are older, I don’t have some of the issues others have with little ones. My advice is to get a place situated that you can call your office, make an “out of the office” day where you go to a local coffee shop or library to work, or even set up a table and chairs outside on the patio or balcony where you can get some fresh air. It’s all about perspective. We are as isolated as we want to be.
Don’t get me wrong … like you, Danielle, my home is my soft place to fall and I don’t like anything/anybody uninvited .. but get me out of the house and it’s on. LOL
Thanks for asking this question, Danielle.
You sound like you’d be a blast to go out with, Kandace! Love that: “It’s ON!” LOL
Thanks for this great post! I too, was in the corporate world for almost 30 years and it is difficult at times to keep my motivation \UP\ when I work for days at home without outside interaction with other co-workers. I find that if I am starting to \fade\ that I go out and meet some colleagues for lunch, or coffee. Its amazing how much motivation and energy you can gain from just exchanging conversations in person. The social media world is great, but I still don’t’ think you can beat the face-to-face interaction!
One Trackback
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Danielle Keister, Danielle Keister. Danielle Keister said: [The Gritty Virtual Assistant] Do You Suffer from Isolation? http://bit.ly/heiiKL #VAtip [...]